Time to Find Out

I don't know what I'm doing, but I'm doing it anyway. Maybe one day it will turn into something, but I highly doubt that. Nothing ever turns into anything these these, it just spins and spins and spins in circles around itself, until exhausted, it collapses, dies out, and is of no use to anyone. What can I do about that? It is only how we have become. Weak, pathetic, abusive, overuse. That's who we are.

I know I'm getting fatter. I shouldn't eat so much junk. I won't eat the cookie that was in my lunch, and I won't buy any junk after school before strings class. I won't eat junk when I get home, except for that last bit of chocolate I got when I went downtown with Robyn Friday. And maybe some shrimp crackers too. You see, there is the flaw to my ingenious junk-free plan. The food is so readily available. It is there, so I tell myself, I will just finish that last morsel, and then no more. But there is always more! The opportunities continue to present themselves, infinite food, there to make me fat. Fast food companies are not out there to make their customers fat. But it is so easy to take that food and make yourself fat that they seem the ones to blame. It is the customers who are at fault, for their infinite moments of weakness, giving in to the hunger, not real physical hunger, but your brain says you want it, your mouth starts to water, and because of your brain's impulses, saying you want it, your stomach grumbles, and your hand reaches out to the shelf... We must stop giving in! I must stop giving in. I will be a massive porky asshole if I keep this up. I'll be so fat I won't fit through the doorframes, and I'll have to get them custom-built to fit my bulk through, squeeze it, shove it through, because I'll be so FAT, from all the junk. It doesn't help that I have tennis and dance, that's not enough to satiate all the junk I eat, all the fat that accumulates, and accumulates, continually building up, a pound is only, what, 3000, 3200 calories?? That's only 16 hot chocolates, 16 chocolate bars, just a few tablespoons of margarine or cream. You must be so careful! This amount of food was never offered to us before! But just because it is here, that does not mean we should take it! I could easily smoke or get on heroin or something but I don't. Because I know that's it's not right and it is not so readily available to me, with the connections that I have. But not so with food! Gah, I'll be giant one day if I don't STOP NOW. So fat... so fat... so fat... Break all the furniture with the fatness, the heaving slobbering weight of the fat, the mass of the fat. Ew.