Lost/Sawyer fantasy

Four years have gone by since the crash. I've known Sawyer now for four years. When I got back to Victoria, I discovered that my family had died in some freak car crash, a year and three months earlier. They had never known I was alive, I had not known they were dead.

Having the choice to either live with friends or some relation, I chose to live with Sawyer. It's completely legal, now that I'm 18. I have my future to look to. I'm going to university next year. But I'm going to have to work hard to raise enough money. All the funds that I had thought I would have were now gone.

It's the end of the university school year right now, so I'm job hunting for the summer. I don't care what it is, I'm just taking the highest-paying occupation I can get. I'll need it.

I'm glad Sawyer is so supportive of my decision to go to university. I think he sees his own life as wasted, and wants to help me make the most of mine. He hardly drinks, and is trying hard to find a job, though he doesn't have the best qualifications. I'm trying to help him, but I'm very busy myself. Not only job searching, but organizing our apartment.

We live in a small flat- just a bedroom, a bathroom with a shower, a kitchen, and a main room, with a big old couch in it I found on the sidewalk a couple of days ago. Our possessions are few- I don't know what happened to everything I had owned four years ago, it seems to have all but disappeared, so we've had to start literally from scratch. We have a bed, and a clean toilet, sink, and shower. Fairly clean water, but no heat, costs too much. We leave the curtains open all day to try to use the least electricity possible. I've never been so poor.

But I've also never been so in love. I know it's wrong, even now I'm older, but Sawyer is still 38 and I am 18. It shocks and frightens me sometimes to see teenage girls out with their fathers, so close in age to Sawyer and myself. But what else would I do?